Millennials of the world: unite! In these polarised times, I, an Elderly Millennial, ask that we put our differences aside and unite against a common enemy: Gen Z. Which, to be clear, is the umbrella term for the generation aged somewhere between 16 and 24. They’re also known as zoomers (a nickname that, funnily enough, has nothing to do with the video conference platform) or TikTok teens. While Gen Z is famous for belittling boomers, they have now turned their attention to millennials and everything we hold dear.
You know those skinny jeans you used to live in pre-pandemic? They’re officially over, according to Gen Z. The cool kids wear flared leggings now. Do you part your hair on the side? Evidence you’re ancient: Gen Z parts its hair in the middle. The most damning sign you’re over the hill, however, is expressing laughter via a face-with-tears-of-joy emoji. According to our new zoverlords, amusement should be expressed by indiscriminately smashing letters on your keyboard. Sjkalfjksjfkdsjal is the new lol. Don’t ask why.
Look, the kids are alright – even if their opinions on skinny jeans are all wrong, and they have been known to eat laundry detergent pods for clout on social media. But I do think it’s a bit funny that Gen Z is serving up fashion advice to those of us in our 30s because, I mean, have you seen how these kids dress? They dress like millennials did in the 90s and early 00s! We invented their whole look!
What I find fascinating about the generational wars is how Gen X, the Switzerland of generations, has managed not to get involved in all this nastiness. While boomers, zoomers and millennials are at each other’s throats, Gen X just stands in the background, smoking cigarettes and wryly observing the strife. As a wise Gen Xer would probably tell you, what goes around comes around. Give it 10 years and Gen Z are going to be up in arms about Gen Alpha cutting them off with: “OK, zoomer.”
Arwa Mahdawi is Guardian columnist